hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
