dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize