it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Two words: blizzard sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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