oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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