Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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