How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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