no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
