Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
