i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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