Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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