at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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