When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
