please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
