home. puking in laundry basket.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
