after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
