Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
