hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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