Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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