so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
