Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
