YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
