Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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