Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
