I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
