your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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