Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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