and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
