This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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