Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
