I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
