you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
