I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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