she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
