man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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