Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
