i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
