I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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