Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
