Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
