just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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