Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
