i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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