y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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