I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
