sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
