i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize