It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
