Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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