She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
