at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
