i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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