dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
