Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
