Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
