You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
