Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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