I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
