I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
