I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
