Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
