It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize