so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
