your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
